spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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