marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
