ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
why do cheetos always look like penises
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize