Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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