I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize