We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i came on her dog
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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