dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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