took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
