Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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