Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
