She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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