yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
