This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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