I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
