And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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