and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
