I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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