He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
