I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
