I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
