You're so nebulous sometimes
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
