Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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