you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
