I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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