I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
