plz talk dirty to me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
