Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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