don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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