last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
