I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
