There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
