my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
