If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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