I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
