That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
