my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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