just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
