i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
