By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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