Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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