Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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