i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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