When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
