I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
