I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
