According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize