And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
