I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
