you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
