my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
