Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
