she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
