video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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