I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
