I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
