I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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