Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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