Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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