mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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