I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
