She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize