why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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