I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
