This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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