i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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