I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
