she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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